look no pants
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
