I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize