She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
