We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
