Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize