No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
