Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
