Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
