if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
