I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize