cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
