I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My bed smells like the plague
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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