The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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