i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
