Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
