mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
