In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
