I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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