"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
