Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
