cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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