I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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