What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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