sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize