that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
