he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just had sex on a roof
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
