I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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