i jhust puked up my retainher.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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