I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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