I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
