I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
