I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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