I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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