I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
