You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
