Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
