Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
