pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
