Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
