My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize