im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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