You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just tell him i said nine months
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
