Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
