i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
