areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
