I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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