the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
