Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
