What did we do last night that was yellow?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
