dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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