i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize