Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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