There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
