Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
