I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My vagina is officially offended.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
