I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
