i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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