Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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