i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
